Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i dont even know how to be here
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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