We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
