I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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