Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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