well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Randomize
