You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
