Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
i've created a new STD.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
