I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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