its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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