Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
