you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
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