I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
