guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
