Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
dude. I can hear the air.
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