Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
