the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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