# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
