If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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