the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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