It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
