I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
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