i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
