okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize