ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
