I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize