I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
