You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
