Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
