1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Apparently you make a good broom.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
