she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
