So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize