I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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