so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
