So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
