Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
