Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
i think im in europe. pls send help
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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