told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
