I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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