My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
