My first STD was from a foam party
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
