If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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