i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
