Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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