Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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