I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
