Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You took a bar mat shot.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
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