Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
