Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
