I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
