redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
