Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
