its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
