Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
