FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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