so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
