A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Small penises have feelings too.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
