they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
