I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
