YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
