i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
