didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
