69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
