Kiss
Puke
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize