i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
