Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize