two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
