I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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