I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Randomize
