I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
