happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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