Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
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