a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
