Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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