I smell stomach acid.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
