Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
its not stalking. its research.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize