i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Randomize
